[ remember - that the end goal isn't to kill. what bothers him, somewhere in the back of his head, is that it isn't even about survival. the only time he'd ever killed to stay alive was in those fight rings, drugged out of his mind into wild aggression that felt like euphoria at the time, when he'd been ripping into pliant bodies.
but this? this is about what he did in the hallways, in the labs. andyr'd known since three months in that they'd never kill him. hurt him, yes, torture and lock him away and visit horrors on him, but what acting out he did had invited more of that rather than kept him safe from it. had he complied, yes, his life would've been easier. but this isn't about protecting himself - it's about avenging himself. it's about anger and despair and hopelessness. it's about all of the world being so much more simple when he just turns the rest of his mind off, and lets himself become some force of nature, rather than a broken, bound, and beaten prisoner.
he has to stay present for this. don't think on just the moves and where he can strike next. has to keep the purpose of this, the goal, in mind, rather than just fight. Moving forward again, the next round starts up, and he's doing better - especially with how bucky pulls back here and there. the problem with andyr is that he wants things done now, has such an impatience with himself and his own limitations. when he feels himself starting to drift, he pulls back, steps to the edge of the mat and holds up a hand to pause for a moment, before getting right back into it. after about the third time of it, it's less stepping back, and more a sharp jerk to the side to disengage, before he throws a full throttle punch into a punching bag dangling to the side, ripping the chain out of the fixture that holds it to the ceiling, and splitting the fabric on the exterior, sand leaking out on the training room for.
no subject
[ remember - that the end goal isn't to kill. what bothers him, somewhere in the back of his head, is that it isn't even about survival. the only time he'd ever killed to stay alive was in those fight rings, drugged out of his mind into wild aggression that felt like euphoria at the time, when he'd been ripping into pliant bodies.
but this? this is about what he did in the hallways, in the labs. andyr'd known since three months in that they'd never kill him. hurt him, yes, torture and lock him away and visit horrors on him, but what acting out he did had invited more of that rather than kept him safe from it. had he complied, yes, his life would've been easier. but this isn't about protecting himself - it's about avenging himself. it's about anger and despair and hopelessness. it's about all of the world being so much more simple when he just turns the rest of his mind off, and lets himself become some force of nature, rather than a broken, bound, and beaten prisoner.
he has to stay present for this. don't think on just the moves and where he can strike next. has to keep the purpose of this, the goal, in mind, rather than just fight. Moving forward again, the next round starts up, and he's doing better - especially with how bucky pulls back here and there. the problem with andyr is that he wants things done now, has such an impatience with himself and his own limitations. when he feels himself starting to drift, he pulls back, steps to the edge of the mat and holds up a hand to pause for a moment, before getting right back into it. after about the third time of it, it's less stepping back, and more a sharp jerk to the side to disengage, before he throws a full throttle punch into a punching bag dangling to the side, ripping the chain out of the fixture that holds it to the ceiling, and splitting the fabric on the exterior, sand leaking out on the training room for.
Maybe it's time to stop. ]